You can mark your progress breath by breath.
Literally. And it's there that I recommend you begin. Every time you think I hate that fucking bitch, I want you to neutralize that thought with a breath. Calm your mind. Breathe in deeply with intention, then breathe out. Do not think I hate that fucking bitch while you do it. Give yourself that. Blow that bitch right out of your chest. Then move onto something else.
I have breathed my way through so many people I felt wronged by; through so many situations I couldn't change. Sometimes while doing this I've breathed in acceptance and breathed out love. Sometimes I've breathed in gratitude and out forgiveness. Sometimes I haven't been able to muster anything beyond the breath itself, my mind forced blank with nothing but the desire to be free of sorrow and rage.
It works. And the reason it works is the salve is being applied directly to the wound. It's not a coincidence that you describe your pain as being lodged in your chest. when you breathe with calm intention you're zapping the white rage monster precisely where it lives. You're cutting off its feeding tube and forcing a new thought into your head - one that nurtures rather then tortures you. It's essentially mental self-disipline. I'm not suggesting one deny negative emotions, but rather you accept them and move through them by embracing the power we have to keep from wallowing in emotions that don't serve us well.
It's hard work. It's important work. I believe something like forgiveness is on the other side. You will get there, dear woman. Just try.
Your,
Sugar
Extract from Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed
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